The Art Of Manipulation Causing Anxiety To The Innocent

The art of manipulation causing anxiety to the innocent is very common. In short, manipulators take advantage of you to get power, control, benefits, and/or privileges. Manipulation can happen in close or casual relationships, but they are more common in closely formed relationships. It includes any attempt to sway someone’s emotions to get them to act or feel a certain way.

People who manipulate others attack their mental and emotional sides to get what they want. Therefore, the person doing the manipulating seeks to create an imbalance of power. They take advantage of you to get power, control, benefits, and/or privileges.

In summary, manipulation is boundary-crossing behavior as a means of trying to gain control or power in interpersonal interaction, says Lauren Masopust, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Roseville, California.

She adds that some people who have experienced broken relationships or traumatic incidents may learn to resort to behaviors like manipulation, aggression, or deceit to get their needs met.

“These behaviors are usually the individual’s attempt at maintaining power or control in a relationship, though they may not be aware of the damage they are causing to others,” says Masopust.

What are the Four Types Of Manipulation?

The art of manipulation can cause anxiety to the innocent. Taylor Draughn, a licensed professional counselor, and marriage and family therapist, explains that manipulation “can be a very effective way to get what you want, but it can also be very dangerous.”

While manipulative tendencies are often subtle and sometimes undetectable, there are four stages of manipulation.

Flattery. The first stage is when the person who manipulates puts on a facade of being kind, caring, and helpful. Hence, “they may act like they want to help you with anything you need, but in reality, they’re just trying to get what they want from you,”Draughn explains.

Isolation. In particular, this is when the person who manipulates may start to isolate you from your friends and family. They might try to convince you that your loved ones don’t understand you or want to control you. In effect, the goal is usually to separate you from people who might spot the manipulation, Draughn explains.

Devaluing and gaslighting. During the third stage, someone who manipulates may try to make you feel guilty or confused. In essence, “they might start telling you that you’re ungrateful, or that you’re making them unhappy,” says Draughn. Consequently, the purpose of this stage is to make you doubt yourself, your instincts, and your decisions. “It can be very difficult to break free from the manipulator’s control at this stage,” Draughn adds.

Fear or violence. The fourth and final stage is when the person who manipulates may begin to threaten you. According to Draughn, they may threaten to leave you, hurt you, or hurt themselves as a way of keeping you under their control with fear. “It can be very difficult to break free from someone who is using threats as a form of manipulation.”

Manipulation Anxiety Symptoms

The art of manipulation can cause anxiety and other symptoms in the innocent. Manipulation isn’t always easy to spot. In fact, at times, it can be subtle, as someone may appear well-meaning toward you, says Phillips.

“For example, those with antisocial personality disorder may come across as very charming, but their goal may be to have control or harm you,” he says.

Some signs of a manipulative person may include:

firstly, persistent excessive attention, love, and flattery
persistence despite boundaries
time pressure (to get you to act)
incongruence between words and actions
lastly, you feel guilt, shame, or generally “off” around this person

7 Manipulation Tactics to Know

There are 7 tactics to the art of manipulation causing anxiety in the innocent. In like manner, manipulative people often use common manipulation tactics and behaviors to get what they want. Here’s what to look for.

Guilt-tripping
Guilt-tripping is when someone tries to make you feel responsible or guilty of your actions or decisions. In this situation, guilt trips often involve using something one person did for the other as “leverage” to get what they want.

Some examples of guilt-tripping might be:

“If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have gotten through college. You owe me.”
“I’m the one who is working all the time, while you are spending time with friends. I deserve this expense.”
“If you can’t come over, then I might as well not invite anyone else that night. There’s no point then.”

Lying
People with manipulative tendencies often lie to try to control or coerce others, as well as avoid blame or consequences for their actions.

For example, a teenager who’s been told they are not allowed to hang out with a particular group might lie about their whereabouts. Or, they may lie to the other parent about being given permission to go out with their friends.

Therefore, pathological lying may be a sign of a mental health condition.

Flattery
It can be hard to tell the difference between a compliment and flattery.

A compliment is given to sincerely point out something positive with no expectation of gain. But flattery is often used disingenuously as a tool to gain emotional leverage. With flattery, there’s often an expectation of getting something in return.

For instance, someone who wants a raise or promotion might regularly praise their manager’s strengths and accomplishments.

Projection
Projection happens when one person claims an emotion they’re feeling — such as jealousy — is actually being experienced by someone else.

For example, a person with manipulative tendencies might cause tension and drama, but blame someone else for creating that energy.

Maggie Holland, a licensed counselor in the state of Washington, explains that projecting aids a person who manipulates in dodging responsibility for their actions and helps them avoid changing their behaviors. “But it can also erode your trust in your own reality,” she adds.

‘Moving the goalposts’
Sometimes, no matter how much you show up for someone who manipulates, they will change their expectations at the last minute to keep you constantly running toward their “goalposts.”

Hence, someone who moves the goalposts can set you up for frustration and exhaustion.

Holland explains that with manipulative people, “you’re never going to actually reach those goalposts, and your efforts and success won’t be acknowledged if you do.”

Therefore, believing in yourself, recognizing your own needs, and disengaging can be helpful for avoiding feelings of demoralization.

Triangulation
Triangulation can take many forms, but often happens when a third person is brought into your communication, instead of keeping the issue between the two people it impacts.

For example, a manipulative person might involve your mother in a disagreement to take their side against you. “Now, all of a sudden, you’re disagreeing with two people and the odds are not in your favor,” Holland explains.

According to Holland, triangulation often keeps manipulative people from having to take responsibility and may protect them from feeling like they’ve lost an argument.

Love bombing
Love bombing is manipulation through excessive attention, often showering you inappropriately with gifts, compliments, affection, and time.

On one hand these things may be wonderful, which can be confusing. However, love bombing is when this feels enrapturing, takes all your attention, and is excessive.

Then again, if you’ve already experienced love bombing and are on the other side, give yourself patience and work to forgive yourself. “You’re not blind. A manipulative person took advantage of your normal human nature to want to feel desired and cherished,” Holland adds.

Some ways to avoid love bombing include:

regularly spending time with friends and loved ones
engaging in your own interests outside of this person
checking in with yourself often to ensure that you’re aligned with your values and standards

Why Do People Manipulate Others?

Why do manipulaters use the art of manipulation to cause anxiety in the innocent? To be sure, there are many reasons why people might be manipulative.

On a basic level, they may lack the skills or self-confidence to influence and persuade people legitimately, so they resort to underhand tactics to get what they want.

However, there are often other, more complex motives for their behavior. In her 2004 book, “Who’s Pulling Your Strings? How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life,” Dr Harriet B. Braiker identified that manipulative people:

Feel the need to get what they want at the expense of others.
Need to have power and authority in their relationships. (This may stem from low self-esteem.)
Want to feel in control – of their environment and other people’s actions. When they don’t have this, they may get anxious.

Identifying a Manipulative Person

Manipulaters use the art of manipulation to cause anxiety in the innocent. They are often intelligent, and they’re good at using subtle aggression to get what they want. They’re also highly skilled at deception, which can make it difficult to spot their behavior in the first place.

Professor Bowers conducted more than 100 interviews with forensic nurses and compiled a list of five common behaviors of manipulative people:

Coercive persuasion: Manipulative people may use bribery or offer other rewards or inducements to get what they want. They may also bully people. This can include making threats, challenges and requests, and this can be verbal, emotional or physical.
Conditioning: To point out, manipulators might “condition” someone into forming a relationship with them by using flattery, intimacy or sympathy, so that they get what they want in the future.
Misusing authority: What’s more, they may use hierarchies or power structures to undermine the position of those they want to control.
Fraud: Manipulators may lie to people, con them, or exploit their trust.
Conflict: Finally, they may create conflict by pitting people against one another. They often use existing weaknesses or conflicts within a group.

In his 2010 book, “In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing With Manipulative People,” Dr. George K. Simon outlined additional behaviors that manipulators commonly demonstrate:

Lying by omission: Manipulators may hide a significant portion of the truth.
Diversion: Obviously, they may change the subject abruptly to avoid discussing topics or answering questions.
Denial: Manipulators may deny that they have done anything wrong when they are confronted.
Rationalization: Consequently, they will attempt to justify or explain their behavior.
Minimization: This is a subtle blend of denial and rationalization. Henceforth, manipulators often play down others’ concerns about their behavior or actions.
Guilt: Manipulators might try to “guilt-trip” people into doing what they want. With this intention, guilt tactics can be passive, such as using body language or vocal tone, or overt, for example by saying things to make people feel bad.
Shaming: Manipulators might use sarcasm or put-downs to increase their power over their victims.
Playing the victim: They might try to make others feel sympathy or compassion for them, so that they can get what they want.

How To Manipulate a Manipulator

Don’t be a victum of a someone using the art of manipulation to cause anxiety in the innocent. Being a victim of manipulation is often upsetting and emotionally draining, especially if it happens repeatedly. Use these five strategies to stop being manipulated:

Identify Your Weaknesses
Manipulators are often highly skilled at “reading” people. They look for specific weaknesses that they can exploit.

Dr. Simon identified the following character traits that can make it easier for you to be manipulated:

Firstly, you have a strong desire to please others, without taking your own needs into account.
You don’t believe that others would manipulate you, or do you harm, on purpose.
In addition, you find reasons to excuse people’s poor behavior.
You have low self-confidence and self-esteem.
Lastly, you are emotionally dependent on others.

Consider whether you have any of these traits. Then think about what you could do to deal with them. For instance, you could build your self-confidence and develop an internal locus of control, so that you have more belief in your ability to control what happens in your life.

Spot Potential Manipulators
Being that, it’s important to identify people who have manipulative tendencies. Awareness is the first step toward avoiding manipulation.

Also keep an eye out for people who:

Firstly, want to have their own way, all the time.
Won’t take no for an answer.
Will stop at nothing to succeed.
Fourthly, make excuses for hurtful or damaging behavior.
Frequently make you feel guilty.
Act differently with different people, putting on a “face” to serve an immediate purpose.
Finally, while you might not be able to avoid these people entirely, you can be on your guard when you’re with them.

Also, take time to listen to possible manipulators and watch how they behave. You can learn their tactics when you pay attention to what they say and do – as well as what they don’t say and do. When you understand the weapons and strategies they use, you’re better able to sidestep them, laugh them off, or confront them.

Be Assertive
When you suspect that someone is trying to manipulate you, be assertive – this means that you stand up for your own interests, while still respecting his or her needs.

First, recognize how the other person views the situation. Then, express your needs directly – you’ll project strength and confidence when you’re specific about what you want.

Be direct and persistent, and use “I” statements to avoid generalities and accusations. For instance, you could say, “I would feel taken advantage of if I did that” instead of, “You’re taking advantage of me!”

Also, manipulators will often change the subject or use other avoidance tactics when you confront them. For example, if you turn down a request, they might suggest a meeting to discuss it again later.

Tip 1:
It can be very easy to get angry, defensive or upset when someone has manipulated you, especially if this behavior has persisted over time. Therefore, learn how to manage your emotions, so that you can assert yourself clearly and effectively.

Tip 2:
In the heat of the moment, it can be difficult to identify whether someone is manipulating you. In general, if you’re unsure, ask for some time on your own to think about the situation, so that you can formulate a response.

Identify and Set Personal Limits
Think about what types of behavior you will and won’t tolerate from other people. Equally important, setting boundaries like this enables you to offer assistance when they need it, but not allow them to take advantage of you.

Furthermore, consider how others have manipulated you in the past and what they ultimately wanted from you. Will you tolerate any of these behaviors again, or do you want to “draw a line in the sand”?

Stay Focused
When you stand up for yourself, manipulators might use evasive or diversionary tactics to confuse you, weaken your resolve, or throw you off-track. Therefore, don’t let them distract or sidetrack you. Stay focused on the issue that you want to address.

Conclusion

The art of manipulation can cause anxiety in the innocent-don’t let it! Not only can manipulation cause stress and anxiety, but it can also make you feel confused and insecure about your behaviors and emotions. By the same token, you may begin to wonder if your reactions are symptoms of mental health conditions.

Although everyone occasionally uses manipulation tactics, some people use them persistently in relationships. Some manipulation techniques may be harder to spot, but identifying them may help you stay protected and make decisions about your relationship. Likewise, this is why it’s important to focus on yourself first and come up with ways to establish clear boundaries.

People manipulate others to get what they want. Nonetheless, this type of behavior may have a number of causes including interpersonal dynamics, personality characteristics, a dysfunctional upbringing, attachment issues, or certain mental health conditions.

Articles About Manipulation

-6 Signs Someone Is Manipulating You

https://psychcentral.com/blog/signs-manipulation-in-relationships#:~:text=You%20begin%20to%20question%20your,symptoms%20of%20mental%20health%20conditions.

-How to Recognize the Signs and Types of Manipulative Behavior

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-manipulative-behavior-5220502

-5 Types of Emotional Manipulation You May Recognize

https://www.goodrx.com/health-topic/mental-health/emotional-manipulation

Have a Good One,

Cindee Murphy, One Voice In The Vastness Of Emotions

“The manipulator’s power lies in their ability to exploit vulnerability and manipulate emotions.” – Robert Hare, Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us (1993)

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